you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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