I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
