So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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