why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
