i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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