My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
