She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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