you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
