happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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