I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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