my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
