just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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