Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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