im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
