He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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