Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
