weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
