I got chris browned last night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize