My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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