Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
