I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
