you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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