she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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