I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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