beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
