whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
