had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
