I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
