i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
