hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
