So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
