in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
