I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize