is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
