Your tits are I can't wait for
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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