My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
