im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
