Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize