dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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