So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
