i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
