I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
