I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
handjob tips. give me some.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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