Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
