Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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