You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
