My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
