if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
