chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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