i jhust puked up my retainher.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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