I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
