Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
