It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
