I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize