o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
