I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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