you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
