My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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