I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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