one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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