does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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