The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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