By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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